Slouch Comedy
Slouch, n., a form of standup-style humour cultivated by the fremen; intended to provoke smiles, not laughter.
NEW SLOUCH
Why did the Fremen heterogametic non-coginvert visiting Terra blush?
Because his ladyfriend told him she was going to visit the "Powder Room."
What did the venerable God-Emperor, son of Paul Muad'Dib, do when faced with a choice between heterogametic and homogametic washrooms?
He tied himself in a knot!
OLD SLOUCH
What does a Fremen do when sick at heart?
What?
That’s what I’m asking you.
What? I don’t know.
Look, I can pray until I’m blue in the face, but, at the end of the day, prayer doesn’t move you, it just orients you.
Get to the jokes!
When locked in a room a functioning television.
What dish would a Fremen eat right after the funeral of his best friend?
German Shepherd’s pie.
What did the Fremen say when he walked into a bar?
“Ouhhhh…”
How do you earn a Fremen’s smile?
I don’t know.
What did the Fremen say when he found himself unarmed and surrounded at night by a pack of slavering wolves in the middle of nowhere?
“Finally!”
When do Fremen children retire to bed, to sleep?
After their bath in monster’s blood.
What did the Fremen say to the desert?
[step, step, … , N]
Why did the Fremen buy a jar of Vaseline?
Because there’s no place like home.
How can you tell when a Fremen is in a fugue?
He gives his nurse satisfaction.
A green Fremen and a blue Fremen marry. What colour is their child at birth?
Grey, obviously.
How long can a Fremen hold his water?
Perhaps three minutes when relaxed, or half that if active.
Why did the Fremen cross the road?
No Fremen, you!
When does a Fremen talk with his invisible friend?
Which one?
Where does a Fremen keep his joy?
[Slap across the face]
Which Fremen –
[Throws hir down]
What does a Fremen hear at the entrance to Hell?
“Hi, ho! Kermit the Frog!”
A Fremen woman went on a picnic with her female comrade; their stillsuits malfunctioned – how did they survive?
As the ghosts of fools in the minds of their sietchmates.
That one’s not amusing. Why so?
You should be booing – didn’t you come here for comedy?
If a Fremen dreams he’s a shark and awakens to a homo sapiens body, which is the reality?
Predicate-mongering!
Why do Fremen rarely play basketball?
Dribbling doesn’t come naturally to them.
Who’s more powerful, Shai-Hulud or Elvis?
Nothing can defeat the awesome power – of Elvis!
Who would win in a fistfight, Jesus, or the Silver Surfer?
Silver Surfer – a couple of kidney punches, roundhouse, it’s over.
What’s the hardest part of a sexually aroused male Fremen’s anatomy?
The elbows, dummy!
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